Children Who Thrive: Let Them Be Bored!

10/17/2024

By Ms. Kirsten Bowles, Junior School Counsellor

This is the second installment in a series on raising healthy children. If you missed the last article, you can read it here.

“I’m bored!” whined my boys like a well-rehearsed chorus. They were slumped on the front steps, the October sun shining generously from the sky, the invitation to play lost on them. Almost on cue, I felt the urge to jump into action as the Provider of Fun, offering spontaneous lists of activities and ideas, projects and games that might extinguish the slow-burning discomfort of boredom.

But I resisted the urge because I know better. Instead I said cheerfully, “The best things come out of boredom!” and I stepped inside and closed the door. No one followed me in. It was quiet for some time on the other side of that door until I heard one of them yell, “Let’s use this!” A flurry of activity ensued.

Almost two hours later, my children emerged from the front porch, cheeks and hands pink from the cold, smiles stretched across their faces. “Mom! You’ve got to see!” They led me back to the porch, where they introduced me to their creation, Darth Basketball Head, who had materialized from their imaginations and an inspired combination of a basketball, a Halloween mask, some old clothing and piles of newspaper. Of course, I had to take a picture to memorialize D.B.H. and I am sharing it here with you. (Darth likes big hats and hiking boots and appears to attend Riverdale High.)

The fact is, “I’m bored!” is usually the precursor to a burst of creativity and tremendous enjoyment that we inadvertently deny our children when we step in to be the Provider of Fun, a title we feel we must live up to.

When we create the conditions for play, play will take place. When we step back and out of the way, children will follow their instincts and emotions into worlds of amusement that serve their primal needs to imagine, create, problem-solve, and process thoughts and emotions.

Boredom can only exist during unscheduled times, and it is in this void or stillness that children have the opportunity to tune into their thoughts, feelings and ideas. If given the space, boredom produces the juiciest fruit and this fruit—play—is the very essence of growth and development.

Here are some guidelines for creating the conditions for play:

Turn off devices! Put them away and out of reach for an extended period of time. Digital input is a killer of creativity. Expect a restless and cranky phase as the brain’s dopamine level dips and the child slowly discovers their own emergent energy. Be patient.
Connect with your child. Once satiated by relationship, children will launch into play naturally. The opposite is also true: if your child is preoccupied with trying to get close to you and capturing your attention, that pursuit will always override the drive to play. Interacting, cuddling or playing with your child attentively frees them to venture forth into playfulness of their own.
Create time and space for play to take place. Treat play like a guest by making time and space for its presence in your child’s daily life. You might designate an area of the house for building, crafting, creating or movement, depending on your child’s interests. (In our home, the family room was fair game for converting couches and tables into fort cities or using the cushions as targets for ninja training.) If you have artists, spread out paper and paint sets, or scatter craft supplies across the dining room table, and then stand back to see what happens.
Get out of the way. When well-meaning adults get excited about an idea, we really want to make it happen. While we can create conditions for play, we cannot force it or mold it to our expectations or outcomes; as soon as we create goals or outcomes for play, we inadvertently turn it into work, the very opposite of what our children need more of. Don’t be afraid to be the parent who meets boredom with a smile and a closed door, patiently waiting to see what happens on the other side of it. It just might be magnificent!
Go Outside. Nature is good for us. The research on the health benefits of natural environments is very clear: children who spend time outdoors have improved cognitive function and better mental and physical health. Playgrounds, forests, beaches and backyards offer much to be discovered and experienced. P.S. If you haven’t yet observed the children exploring our new primary playground, it’s a wonder to behold!

It is okay for our children to be bored, as it is the space where they discover their ideas and, ultimately, themselves. Our current trend of packed schedules and activity-driven improvement interferes with the void moments and stillness that nature requires in order to grow our brains, develop our inner selves, and keep us well. As parents, we are the keepers of the family schedule and it is on us to make space for play by creating conditions conducive to it, allowing boredom to set in—and then optimistically closing the door.

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Children Who Thrive: Let Them Be Bored!

West Point Grey Academy